Chuck Norris

[Vileblade]

Jokes are absoultly stolen for some other site.

Top ten


1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

2. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

3. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

4. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

7. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

8. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

9. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

10. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

11. Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

[Tesfaye]

More Chuck!

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris upper-cutted a horse.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles , because hair does not grow on steel

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris once finished "The Song that Never Ends".

And CHuck's favorites, picked by the man himself:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

[Imeaeast]

i meet chuck norris in person he is really short..lol

[Dram]

Well even Chuck Norris has one thing he cant do, ever see Walker Texas Ranger. That would be ACT!!!!

[Tesfaye]

Well even Chuck Norris has one thing he cant do, ever see Walker Texas Ranger. That would be ACT!!!!

Don't fuck with chuck! he just might jump through your screen and give you the iron fist! :rolleyes:

[Imeaeast]

what was funny is when i meet chuck Norris he had 6 body guards with him.......

[Dram]

Bruce Lee >>>>>>> Chuck

[Dram]

oh btw the bodyguards arent because someone can kick Chucks ass, its because you always have some idiot that can run up and blind side ya just to tell his friends he hit you. you would be if you were someone like CHUCK!!!!